Taking the plunge

So today we are in the TWW (two week wait) for round 4 of Clomid. I don’t think we’ve been successful as I had a horrendous bladder infection (the shit storm never stops) which meant we couldn’t be as ‘productive’ as we’d hoped. We have two more months of Clomid left.

Last week we went to see the GP to ask for a referral for NHS IVF. Up until this point we have been under a private consultant and paid for the Clomid because we are fortunate enough to have  a little spare money and I was expecting some kind of debate or battle but there wasn’t. He weighed me (joy) and we told a white lie that we had been trying for two years unsuccessfully, and he agreed to send the referral.

I have spoken to the fertility hospital to get an idea on time scales and now I am full blown freaking the freak out. I was expecting there to be a long wait, which is why I wanted to get the referral off early so that when we get to the end of Clomid I would not have lost all hope.

Well, it turns out from referral to stabbing myself with the first injection it is only about 9/10 weeks!!

Obviously, great news. It means we can get started soon. Our family and friends are so pleased and excited for us.

However, I am scared. I am scared of the process.  I am scared of telling my boss what we are going through and it affecting my career. I am scared of the side effects of the drugs. I am scared of the anxiety that is coming. I am scared of my husband being stressed. But most of all, I am scared that it won’t work.

Before you get thrown into this horrendous journey I think most people assume IVF=Baby. However, when you are living the reality, you realise the odds really aren’t in your favour. For my age there is a 34% chance of a successful pregnancy per cycle.

The NHS in my area allows one fresh cycle, and if you are lucky enough to have left over embryos you can have a frozen go too. So, when you do the maths, there is still a very large chance we will get to the end of the NHS process with nothing to show for it other than scars on my body and in our hearts.

Image result for ivf meme

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